Waiting on 24: A Letter to My Future Self
Resolutions, de-influencing your 20s and other things I'll try to remember as I get older
The year is soon coming to an end, we are counting down the hours, and as the title might suggest I am waiting on something. Not the year 2024, as should be fairly obvious, that year is almost over. No, I’m waiting to turn 24 years old.
It might be foolish to wait with anticipation to be older. Aren’t we told all the time to live in the now and worry about the future when that time comes? But I have good reason and I thought I might share this learned wisdom.
Shortly before my 23rd birthday, one of my friends insisted on telling me that 23 is a shit age. She herself is a few years older, and so naturally a sage, and explained that at this stage of your 20s, you are neither old enough to be taken seriously, nor young enough to be excused for juvenile behaviour. But did I listen?
My birthday happened to coincide with the start of the final semester, and more importantly, my dissertation. Maybe a little unlike other students, but I was incredibly excited to tackle the massive word count and see the stories unfold. My social life was exactly what I wanted it to be; I was doing sports; graduation in near sight; romantically involved; final months at the newspaper; T. Swift in Edinburgh. Everything was coming up Julie!
And then, bam! Graduation over!
Now, I open Instagram and LinkedIn with equal parts dread and envy. Mostly envy. The comparisons I make are terrible. We used to be in the same boat. In some ways we still are. But now, instead of comparing body images, we compare careers.
I can’t say if it’s the same in other fields, but it seems that in media we are expected, or at least heavily encouraged, to go make a name for ourselves. The competition is fierce. Not long ago we were in the same cohort, we were peers. What happened?
At this age, everybody is at a different stage in life. 23 is not a guarantee of a similar existence in the same way that 16 is a guarantee that (mostly) everybody is in school and living at home. In your early 20s, some are still at uni, some haven’t started yet, some are married, or about to be. Some are living at home, saving money to travel and see the world before getting stuck in the cycle of school and work.
De-influencing your 20s
Now I’ve also been told that it doesn’t start to get better until 25, so I honestly don’t know what to think or anticipate anymore. But I’ve noticed how my social media feed is often catering videos and stories to me (I’ve truly built that FYP brick by brick) about mental health and detoxing my mind from the unhealthy expectations I impose on myself.
De-influencing is not just the reverse function of influencers trying to push lifestyles and other materialistic items to their audience. It’s not only about bursting the bubble of capitalistic lies that if you don’t have these products you are not cool and trendy, but about bursting the bubble of social expectations that if your life doesn’t look like this you are not enough.
De-influencing your 20s is about regular 20-somethings showing younger 20-somethings what regular lives look like. It’s about showing that we all struggle with mental health, we are all trying to figure things out, we are all doing the best that we can, and it’s okay to not have everything sorted out yet. You are only in your 20s!
It’s a good reminder to stop insisting that I should be as far in life and high-reaching in my career aspirations as every other young person in their 20s. However, it seems I need reminding often. As the year is almost spent and my birthday is around the corner (eek!) it is fitting to to look at the year ahead.
I never make resolutions for the new year (I can never think of anything good and it’s far too difficult the keep resolutions past February), so I thought this year since I’ve started this substack as well, that I’d write a letter to my future self. I’ve never done that either, so it seems very fitting as I prepare to turn 24.
There are several sites that offer to let you write a digital letter which is sent to your email in the future. I’ve decided to use The Self Academy where I can choose the specific date that I want to receive my letter (a year and a bit from now). It’s easy and it’s free.
A letter to my future self
Dear future Julie,
I hope this letter finds you well, especially as it was written during a time of confusion and insecurity. That wrenching feeling of existential dread you feel about once a week, like an unexpected punch in the gut, will probably not go away for a while. I don’t expect that things will be figured out, but maybe the year has brought you more clarity about what you want to do with your time.
I know you change your mind all the time or, much worse, have no clue about what to choose. It’s good to take the time to go through the facts and assess what the situation requires. But don’t get stuck. And most importantly: it’s okay to change your mind. You think you have principles about your work, education, lifestyle, etc., and you will do anything to die on that hill, but don’t dig the grave too deep. There is nothing worse than being stupid and ignorant for the sake of agreeing with your past self. Trust me, she has no idea what she’s doing! So let me say it again: it’s okay to change your mind!
A little side note that I want to remember is to not worry about money. You’re not supposed to have an abundance of wealth in your 20s. As long as you have what you need, a place to sleep, food in the pantry and good company you’ll be fine.
I don’t want to set big goals for you that you should be able to tick off in a year’s time. There are a few reasons for this. Firstly, life is not a to-do list. There are things you want to achieve, such as writing professionally and being successful, but what the hell does that even mean? Finding success is such a loaded and subjective term and I don’t even have a concept of an idea of what that looks like. Maybe you’ll find out this year or maybe this letter will remind you that it’s okay to not have plans and end goals, as long as you have ambition. Secondly, making a list of things you want to achieve can be self-motivating, but I don’t want you to read this letter and sit with regret over the things that didn’t go according to plan. Shit happens, try again.
Right now things are alright. I am happy most of the time and that is largely due to the people around me. But there are so many people I miss. I hope that in a year from now, I am still doing my best to talk to them. They see me better than I see myself and they are important. I know that when I am overwhelmed the best way I can deal with it is to leave it until I can see things more clearly. But I want to change this, to deal with what’s in front of me with the people whose friendship I value more than anything instead of sitting with it alone. (Maybe this is a bit of resolution and perhaps future me can answer to my success?)
I know that you struggle with intimacy and finding your person. It’s scary, I get it, and your flight or fight instincts kick in. However, I hate to tell you that avoiding things when they start to feel real and big is not a solution and it’s not very mature. If you can do everything else then you can do this too. As a ‘fake’ adult I urge you to stay in the uncomfortable zone and let things play out in the time that they deserve. If you want to spend your life worthwhile then go be uncomfortable. First of all, this is where you learn and grow and all of that nonsense, and also this is where the good stories are and you want to be a ‘successful’ writer, so write about all of the uncomfortable and awkward moments. We don’t do boring!
I think that’s about it. I’ll speak to you in a year from now. Let’s see if 24 will bring joy and clarity.
Until then, all the best.
Your soulmate,
Julie xxx